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Archive for the ‘Natural “End Stinks”’ Category

I’m a dog, right?  So, it probably goes without saying that puking is something that happens fairly regularly for my species.  Let’s just say I consider myself an expert on the subject.  And just to be clear, I do not suffer from any eating disorders, nor do I recommend you continue reading if you do. 

 

The next time you find yourself in a situation you desperately need to get out of, I can think of no better plan than to feign sickness.  All the better if you’re able to add a little realism and gross everybody out in the process. 

 

5 Sure-Fire Ways To “Toss Your Cookies”

 

1.  Eat something – anything – really, really fast. 

I scarfed down a hunk of lambs lung just yesterday like a Parana on a helpless Water Buffalo.  Yep, you guessed it.  A few minutes later I was puking my guts (or in this case, lungs) out. 

 

2.  Eat something truly disgusting.

Here, the possibilities are limitless.  I’ve come across quite a few disgusting items along my journey.  From moldy garbage to my own or the neighbor dog’s excrement, sometimes all it takes is just a little whiff for the gag reflexes to kick in. 

 

3.  Chase your tail.

With this one, you may not even have to spin to the point of getting sick.  Your twirling alone may be enough to make people scramble in fear.

 

4.  Lick your hind quarters.

Easier said than done for most folks, I know.  But just like #2 (the #2 above, not THAT #2) it may only take a certain aroma to get you going.

 

5.  Sniff the backside of another.

Similar to #4, but often much more effective.  Especially if you subscribe to the “My Poop Don’t Stink” school of thought.     

 

So, there you have it.  You might try several to find the one that best works for you.  Maybe you even have some you can pass along that I haven’t included.  Feel free to list them in the “comments” section.

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It has come to my attention that the video gift I offered as a part of yesterday’s “The Scoop On Poop” post should be clarified.  Several vistors have e-mailed and asked if the poop-eating Dachshund featured was yours truly.  After all, if he is me, then my weight stats on “The Doggy Dish” page would fail to ring true. 

 

Alas, neither pup is me nor a pup I’ve met.  I simply needed video of a dog eating poop to illustrate my point so, I went to YouTube and typed “dog eating poop” into the search box.  The fact that one of them (yes, you’ll find several) featured Dachshunds was simply a stroke of luck.

 

Since launching The Celebrity Pup blog last weekend, I’ve also had questions about when I might add photos and/or video of myself.  I hope to do so soon, but understand a dog’s life is not as easy as society would have you believe.  Learning to type and surf the net (not to mention read and successfully use a credit card) was hard enough.  I’ll likely need some help operating cameras.      

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The Scoop On Poop

I eat poop.  There, I said it.  And, embarrassing though it may be, I am no respecter of my poop.  Dog poop, rabbit poop, deer poop, poop of all kinds.  You might call me a “connoisseur of the sewer.” 

 

It’s disgusting, I know, but despite my approaching 14 in human years, I’m like a toddler when it comes to smelly, wet, gooey stuff.  I just can’t resist the “piece” in the piece de resistance. 

 

Before you write me off as some sort of weirdo, let me say I’ve met a lot of breeds in my day and, to a dog, every one of them has admitted to secretly enjoying the occasional dung dessert.  Think about that the next time your furry son or daughter greets you with a tongue lashing. 

 

My gift to you…

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I don’t know about you, but I have a thing for gloves.  I don’t wear them, mind you, but I love to tear into them, especially when they’re on one of my humans’ hands.

 

I’m fortunate enough to have a pair – humans, that is – that don’t seem to mind this unusual fetish of mine.  There’s something about the moving fingers of a glove that make me shift into attack mode.  I just can’t help myself. 

 

Despite my “glove love,” there is one thing that sends me into high gear faster.  Hand puppets.  You might say hand puppets are kind of like gloves on steroids.  They’re like little fake people pretending to be real people.  But unfortunately for them, the world already has a plentiful supply of fake people.

 

So, since I’m not big enough or strong enough or scary enough to do any major damage to a real human (and not that I’d want to), the next best way to let off some pent up energy is to pounce on a puppet with my paws and gnarl that neck until his head pops off.

 

BEHOLD, MY NEXT VICTIM (despite the adorable singing and the quirky song)…

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