Posts Tagged ‘Pets’

My daddy human has agreed to allow me to link to his Facebook page.  It includes an album full of mobile uploads of yours truly.


I know what you’re thinking.  Yes, he and my mommy human are now fully aware that I have my own blog.  I was afraid they might be upset.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  They were so proud.


I’m gonna be so excited tonight I’m sure I’ll hardly be able to sleep.  Who knows.  Maybe I’ll even get my own computer.


Oops.  Almost forgot the link.

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Give That Dog A Bone!

When it comes to pictures of dogs, I’m generally not easily amused.  This one though put a smile on my face the moment I saw it.  I don’t know this precious pup (or his friend in the background), but I’d sure like to.  Reminds me of myself a little bit.


The caption is mine.  But what does the photo say to you?  Leave your caption in the comments section.


Gimme the treat already, will ya?

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When it comes to Dachshunds, what we lack in height we make up for in length.  Unfortunately, I’ve yet to determine what advantages there may be, if any, to my long but short frame.


Certainly, one of the disadvantages is the inability to see over and around tall obstructions.  Take our lawn for example.  My man human is charged with keeping it freshly mowed (something he despises I might add).  Let’s just say it’s closing in on two weeks since he last got on his John Deere – or as I like to call it – the Mean Green Dachshund-Eating Machine!


I can’t stand it when he gets that thing out.  My mom human can stand at the door forever asking me if I want to go “potty,” but if I’m in ear shot of that monster, I ain’t budging.  On the other hand, one thing I hate just about as much is trotting outside unable to squat and do my thing without a dozen blades of grass trying to “tickle the ivories” if you know what I’m saying.


My daddy human has a friend I’ll call “Andy” (cause that’s what they call him).  He talks about how much he enjoys mowing his lawn and how he loves the alone time and the ability to just clear his head.  Not my dad.  He says the only things he thinks about is how he’s not if front of his TV screen or his computer monitor.  (He’s been on the computer a lot lately and staying up later than usual too.  It’s been two weeks since he’s gone to bed before me.  That makes it really hard for me to sneak into his office and update my blog.  Hey, I’m just saying!)


Ultimately, I don’t have an answer.  I know I can’t have it both ways.  On the one hand, I don’t miss the “Machine,” but on the other, this tall stuff has got to go!  I heard him say gas is so high there’s barely enough for the cars.  I wouldn’t necessarily be a big fan of adding additional pets to the family anytime soon, but maybe they need to look into getting some goats.  Don’t laugh.  I’m flexible.


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Dogs I\'d invite if I actually had a birthday party.

This past Thursday, I turned two (I guess that actually means 14).  But for the second year in a row, my mom human wasn’t here to celebrate with me.  Don’t get me wrong, my dad human is pretty awesome, but there’s something about my mom human that makes me miss her terribly when she’s gone (it may be the hugs and kisses she’s so generous with). 


She and her sister, along with nephew Luke, are in a place called “Holiday World” in Santa Claus, Indiana.  There’s a big water park plus a bunch of rides and stuff.  According to mom, it’s the best place on earth.  I guess they don’t allow dogs though.  Surely she would’ve included me otherwise.  Apparently, they don’t allow dads either.  He’s here while she’s gone, and, she went without him last year too (I suspect he’s not a big water fan though). 


Needless to say, it wasn’t what you’d call a “happy” birthday.  No fanfare, no presents, no surprises and, of course, no mom.  But at least I got to hang out with Keely (my girlfriend) on my birthday.  That was the lone highlight of the day, although her human sister Sophie just about drives me crazy sometimes (mom says I deserve it for the way I harrass Keely). 


I’m sure mom loves me and misses me as badly as I miss her, I just hope she’s not away for all of my birthdays.  Unfortunately, we dogs don’t get as many of those as you humans do.  😦

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I’m a dog, right?  So, it probably goes without saying that puking is something that happens fairly regularly for my species.  Let’s just say I consider myself an expert on the subject.  And just to be clear, I do not suffer from any eating disorders, nor do I recommend you continue reading if you do. 


The next time you find yourself in a situation you desperately need to get out of, I can think of no better plan than to feign sickness.  All the better if you’re able to add a little realism and gross everybody out in the process. 


5 Sure-Fire Ways To “Toss Your Cookies”


1.  Eat something – anything – really, really fast. 

I scarfed down a hunk of lambs lung just yesterday like a Parana on a helpless Water Buffalo.  Yep, you guessed it.  A few minutes later I was puking my guts (or in this case, lungs) out. 


2.  Eat something truly disgusting.

Here, the possibilities are limitless.  I’ve come across quite a few disgusting items along my journey.  From moldy garbage to my own or the neighbor dog’s excrement, sometimes all it takes is just a little whiff for the gag reflexes to kick in. 


3.  Chase your tail.

With this one, you may not even have to spin to the point of getting sick.  Your twirling alone may be enough to make people scramble in fear.


4.  Lick your hind quarters.

Easier said than done for most folks, I know.  But just like #2 (the #2 above, not THAT #2) it may only take a certain aroma to get you going.


5.  Sniff the backside of another.

Similar to #4, but often much more effective.  Especially if you subscribe to the “My Poop Don’t Stink” school of thought.     


So, there you have it.  You might try several to find the one that best works for you.  Maybe you even have some you can pass along that I haven’t included.  Feel free to list them in the “comments” section.

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What is it exactly about humans and the remote control?  If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was some sort of holy grail by the way they go hunting for it whenever it’s been misplaced.  One thing’s for sure: it’s not likely to leave their hands when the TV is on.


Such is the case with my man human.  He’s usually got one hand on the remote and using the other hand to either scratch himself or launch an index finger “rocket” into the nose “silo” (and he wonders why I don’t stay on his lap very long). 


Guy sleeping on couch


During one momentary lapse in judgement earlier tonight, I was on his lap chewing on my favorite rawhide while he watched some mindless TV (our girl human was out with the ladies on this Friday the 13th).  Then, in an instant, I found myself seeing those cartoon stars and birds floating like a crib mobile around my head.  Dagnabit if I hadn’t just been bonked with that thing.  


It took me a minute or two to gather my thoughts.  Had I gotten out of line causing him to feel the need to redirect my focus?  Had I inadvertently stuck him in the groin with my claws making him jerk uncontrollably?  Maybe he dozed off and dropped it right on top of me.  I gotta tell ya, for a moment there, I was pretty cheesed off. 


It was none of those, however.  As I pulled myself together, I realized I had instinctively whipped my head around to my back left hip to scratch an itch with my teeth (weird, I know, but I couldn’t reach it any other way).  As I did that, I hit the underside of the remote with my noggin.  It was my fault.  But I quickly realized it hadn’t been interpreted that way. 


Whether or not he knew how it all went down I’m not sure.  All I know is, in an instant, he began fawning all over me wanting to make sure I was okay and going into that annoying combination of baby/puppy talk where you can’t understand half of what he’s saying.  


Needless to say, I took advantage of the moment and milked it pretty good.  And boy do I need to learn to do that more often.  I not only scored a snack, but the couch, a magazine and of course, the coup de gras.  The remote control. 


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A New(er) Dog House?

May was a busy, busy month for my humans – so busy that I wasn’t able to post for much of the month.  They decided to put the building we live in up for sale.  I’ve been hearing the word “staging” thrown around recently, but I’ve yet to see an actual stage.  I just know that it means a bunch of their stuff is in storage (i.e. Grandma’s house).  There was even an Open House yesterday.  It lasted two hours so we all had to leave.  I heard them say a whole “two people” came. 


Let me just say I am NOT happy about this upcoming move.  After a year and a half of being in one place, I’m finally feeling like I’ve got some stability in my dog life.  I’m not even two yet, but before I was four months old I had three homes.  Nobody wanted me it seemed, and I was beginning to feel a little sorry for myself.  My humans (especially the mommy one) have helped me build my confidence and come out of that funk a little, but the idea of moving brings back so many bad memories. 


There’s also the Keely factor.  Keely is one of my Dachshund neighbors and the apple of my eye.  I’m not at all happy about the prospect of seeing a lot less of her.  We live close enough to each other now that I can hear her bark when I’m in my front yard.  The good news, I guess, is we won’t be that far apart.  If we move into the neighborhood I think we are, it’s bout a 20-minute car ride according to my humans (and I love a good car ride).   


I’d like to ask that you keep me in your doggy prayers if you don’t mind.  Pray that this move won’t stress me out too much.  Pray that I’ll adjust quickly.  Oh, and pray that, on the positive side, I might end up the beneficiary of a fenced in back yard.  I just thought of that one.  Maybe, if I focus on the possibilities, this could be really cool.  I’ll keep you “posted.” 

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If there’s one thing I love to do, it’s play fetch.  Balls, sticks, clods of dirt – heck, I’ll even fetch a blade of grass.  Any time my man human makes that throwing motion, I’m good for at least 30 minutes.  But therein lies the problem.  I’m lucky if he can manage to toss the “whatever” for more than 30 seconds.  


Sure, we fetch a while when he gets home, but by then he’s tired.  He’s had a long day.  I, on the other hand, have spent most of my day snoozing, stretching, snoozing again and pressing my nose up against the sliding glass door.  


But like Superman’s Bizarro World, “where alarm clocks dictate when to go to sleep, ugliness is beautiful and the world’s greatest hero is a chalk- faced duplicate of Superman,”  we have Jerry and a Lam Ngo.  No, a Lam Ngo is not a thing – or a typo.  Lam is a software engineer in North Carolina and Jerry is his miniature dachshund.  


Together, they built and perfected a machine that allows Jerry to play fetch all by himself for as long as he wants (we in the dog world lovingly refer to them as the Iron Men).  Lam even loaded a video of Jerry playing with it on YouTube.  



That was several years ago.  Unfortunately, Jerry’s at the age now where fetching, alone or with Lam, is no longer an option.  The machine is likely collecting dust or entertaining a new little puppy these days, and that’s just fine.  I may have a few more dog years ahead of me than Jerry but, still, I envy him just a little bit.  


Jerry and Lam are the epitome of what the dog-human relationship is all about.  You get the sense their companionship and love for one another runs deep.  Why else would one go to such lengths (it took two years to build)?  


So here’s to you Jerry, and you Lam, for thoroughly enjoying each other’s company and for figuring out a way to do so even when you’re miles apart.  But thanks, most of all, for sharing it and thereby inspiring the rest of us.  

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It seems that dogs, and pets in general these days, are being bombarded with all sorts of sounds from just about every imaginable direction.  Cell phones ring, surround systems blare and mowers, trash trucks and food processors roar.  According to a recent Newsday article , this wall of sound can result in physical and psychological problems (that sure explains a lot). 


But when it comes to soothing the beast, savage or otherwise, it would seem classical music is the way to go.  So say Susan Wagner and Joshua Leeds, authors of the book Through a Dog’s Ear: Using Sound to Improve the Health & Behavior of Your Canine Companion.  It makes sense when you think about it.  Rock, Jazz and Heavy Metal have all been shown to agitate and nervously excite most dogs.  Classical music, on the other hand, calms and relaxes dogs of every shape, size and breed. 


Susan and Joshua have created “intentional” classical music just for this purpose.  It often involves “lower tones, slower tempos, simplified structure and solo instruments.”  This combination, they say, relaxes dogs’ heart rates, calms brain waves and significantly lowers stress levels. 


With my 2nd birthday a little more than a month away, I know what’s going to be at the top of my wish list


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The Fritzy Horror Picture Show

Since beginning my new blog earlier this month, my e-mail (fritz@thecelebritypup.com) has been inundated with requests for photos.  They can be summed up with this nugget: “How can you call yourself a Celebrity Pup and not include even one picture of yourself?  What exactly are you trying to hide?”  Only my insecurities Jerry.  I’m pretty short for a dog.  Oh who am I kidding?  I’m short period. 


 Me (on the right) and my neighbor/girlfriend Keely


It’s been over a week since my last post.  My humans have been VERY busy and haven’t bothered to leave the laptop on very often.  I’ve learned to turn it on by myself if daddy leaves the lid up, but mommy’s always putting it back down (kinda like the bathroom thing).  However, I did manage to squeeze in enough time to post some pics.  You’ll find most of them on a new page I’ve created called Pup Pics.  The pic here is featured on The Doggy Dish page.   


By the way, I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge my girl Keely (that’s her with me above) for arranging to have the pictures made.  She and her humans were kind enough to share the finished product.  We hope you like them. 

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