I’m a dog, right? So, it probably goes without saying that puking is something that happens fairly regularly for my species. Let’s just say I consider myself an expert on the subject. And just to be clear, I do not suffer from any eating disorders, nor do I recommend you continue reading if you do.
The next time you find yourself in a situation you desperately need to get out of, I can think of no better plan than to feign sickness. All the better if you’re able to add a little realism and gross everybody out in the process.
5 Sure-Fire Ways To “Toss Your Cookies”
1. Eat something – anything – really, really fast.
I scarfed down a hunk of lambs lung just yesterday like a Parana on a helpless Water Buffalo. Yep, you guessed it. A few minutes later I was puking my guts (or in this case, lungs) out.
2. Eat something truly disgusting.
Here, the possibilities are limitless. I’ve come across quite a few disgusting items along my journey. From moldy garbage to my own or the neighbor dog’s excrement, sometimes all it takes is just a little whiff for the gag reflexes to kick in.
3. Chase your tail.
With this one, you may not even have to spin to the point of getting sick. Your twirling alone may be enough to make people scramble in fear.
4. Lick your hind quarters.
Easier said than done for most folks, I know. But just like #2 (the #2 above, not THAT #2) it may only take a certain aroma to get you going.
5. Sniff the backside of another.
Similar to #4, but often much more effective. Especially if you subscribe to the “My Poop Don’t Stink” school of thought.
So, there you have it. You might try several to find the one that best works for you. Maybe you even have some you can pass along that I haven’t included. Feel free to list them in the “comments” section.